I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
