how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
