Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize