So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
