i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
