well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
