ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
