hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
