You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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