So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
