I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
