HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
