We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
