You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
