So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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