Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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