i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize