he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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