I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just had sex on a roof
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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