Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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