Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
