Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
