There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
