I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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