He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i now understand why vodka
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
