We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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