Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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