i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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