Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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