We're like a lot better than the average bears
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
