All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish I only lived at night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
