1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
