Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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