Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
