Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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