Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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