O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
