God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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