the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
