Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
