it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
