Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
