I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
