i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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