Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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