well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
