thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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