Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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