I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
