did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
