I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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