): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
