Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
