a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
