i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
