She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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