Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
