Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you win again, gameday.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
