He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
