drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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