You just made me feel so damn special
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it was like eating out sand paper
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
