Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
