She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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