If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
