Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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