2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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