Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
