i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
