Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
