wakey wakey hands off snakey
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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