Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
