I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
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There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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