he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We just shotgunned beers for America
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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