I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
