i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize