I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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