OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
